Letter to Santa

Ok, what is it with my kids asking Santa for impossible items? Is it because they don’t watch television? If they watched TV they’d just ask for some Matchbox raceway they saw on a commercial. But no.

Here’s what it says: “Dear Santa Claus, Please give us a pet bush baby and a pickax with two picks. If we are good. Sincerely, Henry Falatko and Eli Falatko.”

So what are my options here? I already told Henry that Santa probably wouldn’t bring him a bush baby because it would die in our climate. Can I find a stuffed animal one, do you think? Will that be satisfactory? And a pickax? I know Eli really wants it, but no. I’m pretty sure that, next to the phrase “bad idea” in the dictionary is a picture of Eli holding a pickax. He’s into the whole California gold rush thing right now, which is fine, but he’s not getting a pickax. Do they make some kind of 1849 gold digging dress-up kit?

Or do I just tell them that they must not have been good enough?

At this point I’m just hoping for some kind of addendum to this letter with more things they want. More reasonable things, that is.

Comments (15)

  1. Clog November 18, 2009 at 11:35 am

    Julie – This letter is truly priceless.

  2. Chris D. November 18, 2009 at 11:56 am

    Definitely look into a toy pickax. He will enjoy it for whatever purpose it serves at this stage in life, and it may lead him to eventually explore bigger things…like Everest.

    Here: http://www.halloweencostumes4u.com/Merchant2/merchant.mvc?Screen=PROD&Product_Code=rub9114&Category_Code=axe&Store_Code=hal

    Just ignore the descriptive name.

    Glad I could help.

    PS. Pickax and bush baby probably wouldn’t be a healthy combo.

  3. sarah November 18, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    Note to self: do not eat apple while reading WoJo for fear of choking to death.
    This is up there for Jayas recent request to have a “fire” theme for his next birthday party.

  4. Julie November 18, 2009 at 1:05 pm

    Chris, that’s tempting, though I try to avoid getting anything for Eli that has the word “menacing” in the title. He’s menacing with a finger puppet, for cripe’s sakes.

  5. liz November 18, 2009 at 1:21 pm

    despite the fact that this company exists because of its founders’ “love for all of god’s creatures,” i still think this is an awesome bush baby: http://www.stuffedark.com/bushbaby.htm

  6. Julie November 18, 2009 at 5:24 pm

    Oh Liz, that is a good one, and the price is right. Though I’m a little bit creeped out by the giant man hands.

  7. Emily November 19, 2009 at 12:26 pm

    wow! have you read Hatchet?(maybe not, as you are not a 9 year old boy. if you were, you would know that it is a necessary rite of passage for boys in school, like call of the wild used to be…a high-interest/short sentenced book about a boy lost in the wilderness). ANYWAY- that book sure makes a pickaxe, or in this case a hatchet, look like a Wonderful and Virtuous Tool.

    but maybe one that may only be used outside, with Supervision. but good luck with that. maybe a pickaxe is Something to Aspire To..a long range goal you might dangle when he is misbehaving/showing signs of not being responsible enough for…

  8. Emily November 19, 2009 at 12:27 pm

    my capitols started out as being useful,but now they looksort of like I’m making a Ransom Note.

  9. Beth November 19, 2009 at 1:26 pm

    Julie, this is hilarious. My favorite part is how they signed it “Sincerely”, as if they were putting their demands forth at a union contract negotiation table.

    Alessandro watches TV, and his Christmas list so far includes:

    1. Jewels (OK, this could be Home Shopping Network influence, now that I think of it. Or Joe.)
    2. A T-Rex Head and arm. (Why he doesn’t want the whole thing is beyond me.)
    3. A real live photograph of Santa, Rudolph, and all the other reindeer pulling Santa’s sleigh. I think he wants proof to show the kids at school who say that Santa isn’t real.
    4. A job at the north pole. That way he will “live forever, just like Santa.” (That one is a little heart-breaking.)

    Anyone know where I can get a photo of Santa and the reindeer?

  10. Julie November 19, 2009 at 3:50 pm

    Emily, I know I should have read Hatchet by now, but I picked some other Gary Paulsen (something about sled dogs?) when I took YA lit, and haven’t gotten around to reading the rest of his vast canon yet.

    Yeah, you know, I am in favor of the pickax, theoretically, it’s just that Eli has a naturally destructive streak and he could do some real damage. Is there a Nerf pickax?

    Beth, maybe get Alessandro one of those dino excavation kits? Maybe that’s what he’s thinking: that as a real archaeologist, you’re lucky to find even a head and an arm. We got one for Henry once and he loved it (it was kind of like this one: http://tinyurl.com/y9aqs2x).

  11. Lisa van Oosterum November 20, 2009 at 12:24 pm

    Inflatable pickaxe? Is that lame?

  12. Anne November 22, 2009 at 9:53 am

    I think there’s a Playmobil gold mine set that probably involves a wee pickaxe. Does that count? Or a copy of the King Missile CD that features the song Pickaxe?

  13. John S Hall November 22, 2009 at 11:11 am

    Anne, you rock! By all means, Julie, give Eli a copy of “Way to Salvation”. Heck, give the entire family a copy of the cd. Having that song stuck in your head is way more pleasing than having an actual pickaxe in your head.
    Great suggestion.

    (And now I must write three papers while trying to ignore the space King Missile is occupying in my head…)

  14. Julie November 23, 2009 at 7:09 am

    I’ve had “Pickaxe” going through my head for about the last six weeks because of all this, but, let me tell you, if a pickaxe in general is a bad idea for Eli, introducing him to the concept of splitting heads open with pickaxes, and loving it, is a REALLY bad idea.

    But a Playmobil gold mine set is a GREAT idea! Thanks, Anne!

  15. HELPFUL LEMRO October 14, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    They have foam pickaxes
    And a stuffed animal would be fine

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