The big excitement of this past weekend was the installation of a new toilet in our downstairs bathroom. Our downstairs bathroom is one of the areas we can show people when we want to show how much work we (Dave) have done on the house, since it’s pretty indicative of the state of our house when we bought it: floral wallpaper, drop ceiling, oddly sized fixtures, blue tub and toilet, disgusting peeling-up vinyl floor. The bathroom as a whole is near the top of our to-do list, but the toilet had reached the point where we just couldn’t stand it anymore. In addition to being blue (which might have been reason enough right there), it had a plastic tank (why???) and used more than three gallons of water to do a terrible job of flushing.
We had never bought a whole toilet before, and now I feel like we’re officially responsible grownups, having bought something so boring yet so important. The funniest thing was how the toilet industry falls over itself coming up with euphemisms for “we’ll flush all your poop even though we use less water than your old toilet.” Things like “Water Efficient Yet Gets the Job Done” or “1.6 Gallons Per Flush/Highly Rated for Bulk Removal” or, for the one we ended up buying, “Can Flush a Whole Bucket of Golf Balls!” (we kept this advertising tidbit from the kids, in case it gave them any ideas). The toilet we got is called “The Champion” which also seemed to hint at its superior bulk removal properties. (I’ll also say that we felt a little sheepish buying a toilet that so boldly advertised itself as the champion of buckets-of-golf-ball flushing, but we got over ourselves because it was also the right size and looked like it would go best with our imaginary future bathroom.)
All I can say is, what took us so long? SuperHandyman Dave installed the new toilet in what seemed like five minutes (taking a break for us all to marvel and gasp and retch at the state of the warped flooring under the old toilet), and it’s just so much nicer to have a clean white toilet that actually flushes. Dave did point out that we probably ended up averaging 3 gallons per flush anyway because we were having such a good time flushing our new toilet and watching the vortex action.
It’s one of those things where I wonder how the whole episode plays out in the kids’ minds. Did they think our old toilet was gross, since it’s the only one they’ve ever known? Did they grasp the largeness of spending money on a thing like a toilet, and why it took us so long to choose the right one? Did they think the new one was better? (Well, I’m pretty sure they did. How could they not?)