- Walk one centimeter behind me.
- Use markers in a manner which is potentially harmful to the walls and furniture.
- Fake cry. They think it’s hilarious.
- “Help” by “refolding” the laundry. I let this one go because I feel like one day it will turn into actual helping by actually folding the laundry, but I can barely breathe I’m so stressed out while the unfolding/bad refolding is going on in its current incarnation.
- If everything is going well, someone seems to hurt themselves in a random, self-inflicted way (e.g., whipping around a rope, which then whips the whipper in the eye), which leads to the need for five minutes of patting and soothing.
- Climb into my lap while I am trying to type.
- While I am cleaning up one room, they are making a mess in another room.
- Wake me up in the middle of the night to tell me they just peed in the toilet.
- Ask me, at 6:55 a.m., “What’s for dinner tonight?”
- If I am thinking adult thoughts for the first time all day, all four will suddenly want me to make them food.
- Make a mess, and then when I ask them to clean it up, say, “It wasn’t only me! They helped too! It’s not fair! I’m not gonna clean it up all by myself!” and then sit down and read a book.
- Say “Help me with this! I need help!” and then as I stop what I’m doing and am 6 inches from them, say, “Oh! I got it! Never mind.”
And still, I love them, and think they are super cute and fun and funny.
You don’t need to have a kid to experience #12. You just need to be the IT person at work.
Julie, I really think you should be the next Shirley Jackson. Have you read “Life Among the Savages” or “Raising Deamons”?
Ha! You crack me up. You’re totally right, I’m sure, re: IT person and #12.
I’ve only read The Lottery. Which is great, of course, but saying “The Lottery” is great is kind of like saying, “Oh, I live Hemingway!” (i.e., obvious) But I’ll read more!
they stay one centimeter behind you ? lucky you !! my 3 year old seems to think there’s some invisible tape taping her to my legs 🙂
and i can soooo relate to number 6…
for me number 13 is the extra-sweet-i-still-need-to-give-one-more-kiss-to-x or y EXACTLY when you’re in a hurry to leave the house (alternatively replaced by other delay techniques she’s perfectioning such as “i don’t want these pants”, “i want my summer shoes (in winter)”, “my doll is still having her food”, “i want another book” (i always give her some books to page through in the car)…)
Even worse than standing one centimeter behind me is standing right in front of me. I don’t know how they do it, honestly. But I can walk through the house and have one or two kids walking right in front of me the whole time. And of course then I trip on them and someone gets hurt and it’s all my fault.
#8 just nearly made me die laughing…classic. Still laughing because I can so picture your face…..A popular one over here is a certain kid constantly saying ‘Mama’ and then trying to think of something to say, and then repeat, and repeat again, often with a blank stare until some worthwhile question comes to mind.
Yes, Lisa! Mine do that too. I’m always saying, “You can’t just save me for later! I’m not a placeholder until you can come up with something worthwhile!” The flip side of this is the other annoying thing where they DO have something to say, and they’re standing one centimeter behind me, and they say my name 1000 times, waiting, I guess, for me to stop the important dinner-making I’m doing and say, “Yes? Yes? What is it, my darling? What is the thing you have to tell me?”
Ok, now, reading that, I know that, as a good parent, that is EXACTLY what I should do. Stop chopping, get down to their level, see what it is the want to tell me. I’m actually ok with that if no one minds that we eat dinner at 9:00 because of all the interruptions.