Kids are complicated. It’s stupid to try to slap a label on them, because besides undermining their self esteem by putting them in a little box, you’d really need to give them a label-with-slashes like modern-day careers have (waitress/actress/stockbroker).

Eli is the class clown of the family, always willing to do a comedic pratfall. He’s also, as Dave says, “a ball of testosterone.” He spends a lot of time throwing footballs and just jumping up and down. He’s also fairly gonzo, spending a fair part of his day running very fast in circles laughing like a maniac. Also, he wants to give Zuzu kisses all the time. He’s very sweet. He’s kind of crazy verbal, and often says things to be intentionally funny, and they are, and make me laugh out loud. Like I said, there’s no easy label for most children.

A perfect storm of toddler life events have occurred this year – new baby sister, best friend Henry off to kindergarten, weaning – that have put Eli a bit on edge. He seems to be constantly afraid that we’re going to leave him. He used to be fine staying with someone else for a few hours, but no more. Not only does he scream his head off if I even hint that he might be somewhere without Dave or I, he also feels like he needs to keep an eye on me at all times during the day.

So I sit down, and he sits in my lap. I run outside to take out the garbage, and he dashes across the living room to make sure he comes with me, which usually means that by the time he gets outside, I’ve turned around and am on my way back in.

He has also developed the maddening habit of following me around by walking directly in front of me. So if I’m bringing laundry upstairs, he will run around me quickly and walk right in front of my feet, under the laundry basket I’m carrying, and making me a bit anxious that we’re going to fall down the stairs and end up in a big pile.

He doesn’t nap. At night he makes it for a few hours before he calls for me, and then demands that I lie down with him, which inevitably results in me falling asleep with him for several hours (comforting for him, uncomfortable for me).

Sometimes he does play by himself for a bit, but it’s seriously for about half an hour every week, which is not nearly enough time to get all my thinking done. He does completely blossom when Henry comes home, and they’ll play together, but it’s at that time of day when a lot needs to happen (dinner, bedtime winding down), so it’s not the best time to try to get schoolwork or housework done.

Most of the time I can deal with it ok – he is pretty fun and cute, but he can also be very demanding (though I’m not sure how much of that is Eli’s personality and how much of it is just being two-and-a-half). I often try to dissuade him from following me around everywhere, but it’s something I have to do literally every six minutes, so I pick my battles. So maybe I’ll let him sit in my lap while I’m working at the computer, but I won’t let him get out of the car to help me pump gas (which means he sits in the car screaming and crying). The days can seem a bit tenuous. Will I be able to eat lunch without Eli whining at me? Can I clean up the house without him wrapping himself around my ankle? And it does make me resentful when it comes to the fact that, for instance, today is Dave and my tenth anniversary (the tin and aluminum anniversary! “Here’s some Reynolds Wrap, dear!”), and we can’t go out to dinner by ourselves because there’s no one I really want to subject to an hour of screaming sobs.

My question is: have any of you dealt with this before? What can I do? How long does it last? Part of me wants to leave him with a babysitter or something and make him tough it out, but most of me thinks this is a terrible idea that would traumatize him and make it all much worse, because it would reinforce his underlying fear that I might leave him (or would it reinforce the notion that I’ll come back?). Any ideas are heartily welcomed.