Today I was walking back home along the Greenbelt, with Zuzu in the stroller and Eli walking next to me looking at everything through a pair of old binoculars we’d just scored from Goodwill. A woman came toward us who had both her dog and her kid on leashes, and she suddenly started up a monologue:

“Oh, look! Look at the baby! See the baby? [Her kid obediently walks over to Zuzu.] Oh, and can you say hello to this little boy? What’s his name? Oh, Eli, ok, ok, so say hello to Eli. Shake his hand! Shake his hand and say, ‘Hello, how do you do?’ [Boy obediently walks over to Eli and holds out his hand. The woman grabs both of their hands and shakes them up and down. She is sweating.] Say, ‘Hello, how do you do, I’m Tristan!’ Say hello, Tristan! You shake his hand and say ‘how do you do?’ Say, ‘Hello, Eli, how do you do?’ [Tristan says nothing, and wanders back over to Zuzu.] Pretty baby! What’s her name? Zuzu? That’s so cute! See the baby. Oh, he loves babies. Look at him looking at her! She’s so pretty! He loves babies! [Tristan at this point is stroking Zuzu’s leg in a way I’m not feeling super comfortable about. I start inching the stroller forward.] Ok! Well, have a nice day! We’ll see you later! Bye! Say, ‘Bye!’ Tristan!”

We got about ten feet past them and Eli turns to me, smirking hugely, and says, “I hated him.”